thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
