Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
