Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
