Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Barsexuality is the new black.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
