I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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