We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
