OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
