I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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