i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
