Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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