so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
