Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
