Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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