flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
