I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
