I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
