6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
