aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
