just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
