you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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