He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
