ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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