it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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