I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
