guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
