boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
