i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
