I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
