i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
