i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
