can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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