i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
