I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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