can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
