I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
