oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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