He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
