People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
