I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
