I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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