I wish I only lived at night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
