I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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