man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
