where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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