I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
