First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
