Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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