you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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