remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
