She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
