I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
