Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Randomize
