Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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