i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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