Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
