so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I did not marry a roomba.
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