You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
