so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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