Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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