I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can I color on your dick again?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
