I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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