Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
