I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
