she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
